Tonight I Wanna Cry
by Silencing Hate
Summary: When Hermione walks out on Severus, how will he react?


Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or any of the related characters, etc. They belong to some very rich people, not the least of whom is J.K. Rowling herself. Also, I do not own the song _Tonight I Wanna Cry_, from which the story's title and content were based. The extremely talented Keith Urban has that esteemed privilege (along with his record label, etc.)

Now, on to the story:

_Alone in this house again tonight  
I got the TV on, the sound turned down and a bottle of wine  
There's pictures of you and I on the walls around me  
The way that it was and could have been surrounds me  
I'll never get over you walkin' away_

The empty fire grate belied the icy temperature of the small stone-walled room. The dark furniture served better to absorb the unsteady glow from the fluttering candle placed haphazardly on the photo littered mantle place than to illuminate the contents of the chambers. In the darkest corner of the room, a dark figure of a man was just discernable. The black chair he occupied transitioned smoothly to his solid black attire. However, to any who knew the man, his distress was obvious.

Normally immaculate in dress, the man's robes were a rumpled and tangled mess. To the observer, it would appear he had not changed or bathed in days, which was in fact true. As the man reached for the open bottle of wine settled on the table next to him, his hand brushed the only other occupant of the table, a silver picture frame. As his attention was drawn to the picture frame, the man brought the bottle of cheap wine to his lips. Still clutching the bottle, he picked up the picture.

For several silent moments, he simply stared at the frame. The picture was of the happiest moment of his life. It showed a young woman with a mass of curly hair beaming out of the picture. Her white dress could be mistaken for nothing but a wedding dress, especially when viewed alongside the dark arm of a man holding her close to his body. The picture was of the man in the chair and a small sob wracked his body as the image of him leaned to kiss the picture's other occupant.

In a quick movement, the man in the chair launched himself out of the chair and into a large bedroom, the bottle of wine and the picture still clutched in his hands as if they were his only means of life.

_I've never been the kind to ever let my feelings show  
And I thought that bein' strong meant never losin' your self control  
But I'm just drunk enough to let go of my pain  
To Hell with my pride let it fall like rain  
From my eyes  
Tonight I wanna cry_

As he lay on the large bed he had collapsed upon, the man let the first of many tears slide down his face. As he hastily wiped a tear from his large nose, he allowed himself to wander through happy memories, memories that belied his current state of despair. The image of her beautiful smile served only to increase his tears. He replayed images of their wedding in his head, a small affair with only them, her parents, and their closest friends.

However, more than the happy images, it was her voice which truly haunted him. He could almost feel her gentle touch on his cheek as his traitorous heart kept him returning to the first time she had admitted her feelings aloud to him. Ironically, it was the speech which had kept Severus alive in the months before their marriage and now served as the single memory which hurt him the most.

"_I love you. I love your wit. I love your mind. I love your body. I love your soul. But, most of all I love you, Severus Snape. Just you. Just you."_

He'd never told her he loved her. Somehow, he took it for granted that she knew of his feelings. Yet, it was apparent to him that she had no idea. After all, her last words before she walked out the door had been, _"Have you ever loved me Severus? Did you ever truly love me?"_

Not bothering with the tears falling from his eyes, Severus turned to the bedside table and picked up the ring sitting there. It was a woman's ring, _her_ ring, the ring she had given back to him as she left. _"I hope you were as happy as I was. I can't stay though. It's too hard,"_ she had whispered.

Yes, loving him was hard. He knew it would be. He had told her on many occasions that he did not deserve love, that he could not be loved. However, she had always replied with her sad smile and assured him that she loved him.

The memories were overwhelming for him. Normally, he showed no emotion. Emotion was a weakness for others to exploit. But, now that she was gone, he found he could not control the tears. He found that he did not care about the weakness, did not care what others thought of his obvious pain.

As, "Hermione, why did you have to leave me?" escaped his lips, Severus succumbed to oblivion and freedom from his pain.

_Would it help if I turned a sad song on?  
"All By Myself" would sure hit me hard now that you're gone  
Or maybe unfold some old yellow lost love letters  
It's gonna hurt bad before it gets better  
But I'll never get over you by hidin' this way_

The next night found Severus in the same chair as the last with another bottle of wine, clutching the same photo of Hermione and him. The tears were absent tonight as he stared at the photo, wishing for all the happiness and pleasure it represented for him. Hermione's platinum wedding band hung on a chain about his neck, a stark contrast on top of his dark, unkempt robes.

Severus swallowed the last bit of the wine before placing the bottle on the table next to him and stood, walking to the mantle. Next to the flickering candle sat a small wooden box. Gently, Severus opened the lid and music flowed into the silent room. The sad melody complemented Severus' mood well and he returned to the chair he had been seated in with a small bundle retrieved from the still open music box. With the utmost care, he opened the letter, slowly reading each word as if his life depended on it.

Severus had finished the third letter when a soft knock was heard at his door. Slowly he made his way to the heavy wood door and opened it just enough to reveal a much older woman on the other side of the door.

"What do you want Minerva? Can't you see I'm busy?"

The woman looked sharply at Severus before allowing a sad smile to appear on her face. "Severus, may I come in?" she asked gently.

Slowly, Severus opened the door, allowing his uninvited guest to enter. Gesturing roughly at the small couch in front of the cold fireplace, Severus returned to his chair in the dark corner and waited for his guest to begin.

"Severus you cannot stay in here." A soft snort from the man interrupted Minerva's speech. With a soft glare sent in his direction, the woman continued, "Hermione left over a week ago. No one has seen you leave these rooms since then. The house elves tell me you haven't touched your food the entire time."

For a short time, silence reigned in the room. Finally, Minerva stood to leave. "Severus, I expect you at breakfast tomorrow morning. Clean, dressed, and prepared." As the door to his quarters clicked shut, Severus moved to the bedroom with the picture frame. Curling up in the bed, the man clutched Hermione's ring in one hand and the photo to his chest as he drifted into an uneasy sleep.

_I've never been the kind to ever let my feelings show  
And I thought that bein' strong meant never losin' your self control  
But I'm just drunk enough to let go of my pain  
To Hell with my pride let it fall like  
From my eyes  
Tonight I wanna cry_

The next morning's breakfast saw Severus seated next to Minerva. She had kept him distracted with meaningless conversation. Meaning to spare him more pain, Minerva had ordered the rest of the staff not to talk to him. Suddenly, the doors to the Great Hall opened and Hermione's small form appeared. Severus stood quickly, trying to escape to the dungeons, but Minerva grabbed his arm before he could leave the table.

Slowly, Hermione made her way to the table, keeping her eyes fixed on her husband the entire time. Finally, she was close enough to touch him. Standing on her tiptoes, Hermione whispered into Severus' ear: "Please forgive me. I am so sorry, love." With a quick look at his wife, Severus gently took her hand and led her away.

A/N: Ok, so I know I've read the music box idea somewhere. However, I can't remember where, so if it is yours, please let me know as I would like to acknowledge your inspiration. Also, I know that the ending was a little off from the song, but I couldn't bear to end the story without a little hope. I hope that you enjoyed this. While this is not my first Hermione/Severus fic, it is the first I have posted. I never finished my other story, and with HBP, it is AU anyways, so I don't imagine I ever will. Thankfully, I was never insane enough to post it… Please review and let me know what you thought.


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